Writing with Anxiety: Assessment

Evening All,

Since being diagnosed with Anxiety, I have been constantly trying to create the first step to getting back to full health. But today was the first day where I can really start to rebuild my life and get over this anxiety I have.

This week in particular has been quite challenging particularly from work and at home. There was a time when I was covering Gillingham Ladies Reserves this past Sunday, there was a time when it felt like my mind was going to explode and it felt that there was nothing I can do about it.

Luckily today was the day when I had my first Anxiety screening with my counsellor and we can both together work on getting me happier, healthier and stronger. In all honesty, I wasn't expected to have this assessment meeting with so quickly but thanks to a few cancellations, I managed to get the interview today.

We sat down in a room and simply explained my past of what got to where I am presently today and what normally happens when I am having a panic attack. The counsellor recommended me to try some new breathing techniques to use when I have my next panic attack - should one come up.

I did explain to the counsellor about a few issues which has caused this anxiety both in the past in the present.  These included; past and present relationship troubles, numerous job applications that failed, family issues and my past as a child especially my troubles when I was at SCC.

Overall, the counsellor decided that I have not been happy for a very long time and I said that I need to get rid of all of the negative thoughts and make myself more self confident especially at work and with the Ladies.

I also explained to the counsellor that I have been left behind in my reporting work where all of my friends and former colleagues have gone and done bigger and better things, I said that I have fallen behind and I badly need to catch up. And also with my friends as well, they have all started to settle down and have families and I feel that I need to get to the same place by meeting the girl of my dreams and start to settle down.

For both occasions, the counsellor said that it will take time but more importantly I need to get rid of the Anxiety first before we can look at these topics.

Sadly though the counsellor called an end to the meeting but promised me that at my next meeting in two weeks, we will start to tackle this Anxiety together.


To be continued...

Writing with Anxiety: Prologue

Evening All,

There have been times where I have been really worried about my future after getting a major setback. The last time something like this happened was when I left Nottingham Trent University for the first time in 2007.

But this time feels rather different, basically I am now in a battle with myself and I have to win if I am ever going to be successful and happy.

As you may already know I have been diagnosed with Anxiety - A disease which I thought I would never have despite all the bad things that have happened in my life so far, I thought that I would eventually get the dream job and lifestyle after a lot of hard work, but emotionally this has been a completely different story.

This Anxiety been building up since I graduated from University in 2009, which should have been a great time for me as I have just got my Journalism qualification and was set free onto the reporting world. But sadly the rejection job applications and failed interviews that I got during the past 5 years has taken a toll on my brain as I have suffering panic attacks at different times of the day and without reason as well.

The final straw for this decision was on Sunday where I had no current work to do for either KSN or Gillingham Ladies; I was chilling out at home where for no reason I suffered two massive panic attacks at different times during the day. Both of these attacks got me really worried about myself and I decided there and then to see someone about it.

After a meeting with my GP, he diagnosed me with Anxiety which I was surprised about. But after a long conversation with my GP and a small confession on my part as I said my previous panic attacks began in 2009 after I graduated from Nottingham Trent University, I accepted that I had the condition and I was willing to make the first step to get help.

So I phoned up a counsellor from Faversham to make an enquiry to talk to someone about my Anxiety and start the long road to make me feel better. Luckily for me there was someone who was willing to talk and help me overcome this condition by attending sessions once a week to discuss this Anxiety and chance my life but I want to try something else alongside this help.

So along to help with my therapy meetings, I thought I would try to write out my feelings whilst living with Anxiety. There is a lot going through my head during the day and it does make think both - positively and negatively - and I feel that writing them down will help me conquer this Anxiety and help me get better.

My first interview with my counsellor is set for two weeks time (hopefully earlier) so I will probably go through a lot of emotional stuff before our first meeting. This is a good thing as we can get to work straight away to make me happier, healthier and stronger both mentally and emotionally.

I know that is will not be a pleasant journey for me and my counsellor, but in order to make myself better I have to get all of the negativity out of my mind and change my life for the better.

To be continued... but in the meantime,

I'll Sithee

Wheelchair RL 4 Nations: England v Wales

England claim Four Nations title

England 80 Wales 6

The 2014 Wheelchair Rugby League Four Nations event concluded at Medway Park, Gillingham with England thrashing Wales by eighty points to six to claim the Four Nations Championship.

England stared the game with the ball and it took them just three minutes to get on the scoreboard as Mike Knight and Declan Roberts and they linked well before passing ball out to Jodie Boyd-Ward on the wing and she did just about enough to hold off Harry Jones to score the first try of the match.

Robert McLeod then scored his first try of the match as Wales were caught napping in defence and McLeod got the ball from James Simpson and he did just about enough to get the ball over the try line before getting tackled to score for England.

England got their third try of the match after the Welsh defence were again caught napping and Mike Knight and Robert McLeod gave to good passes before McLeod passed the ball out wide to Jodie Boyd-Ward who simply held off her defender and got the ball over the try line to score her second try of the match.  

Boyd-Ward completed her hat trick as she got the ball on right side of the pitch and he held off two welsh defenders before cross the try line as England opened up an early twenty point gap to Wales.

Wales again were cost them more points as Adam Button mishandled the ball and he immediately gave to Declan Roberts who simply just ran the ball into the comer to score his first try of the match.

Adam Barnett then scored his first try of the match as Wales were caught napping at the back and Declan Roberts worked hard to get the ball out to Barnett who was just in front of the posts and he simply ran the ball past the try line to score his first of the match.

Barnett's Medway Dragons team mate Joe Coyd was introduced into the action for the first time and it didn't take him long to get on the score sheet as he got the ball on the left side of the pitch and he hit an excellent diagonal run before cross the try line to score his first try of the match.

Coyd then quickly added a second try as he got the ball in the middle of the pitch and completed an excellent run whilst avoiding three welsh defenders and he was unchallenged as he rushed away to score his second try of the match.

Paul Mather was the fifth player from England to get on the Score sheet as Ian Kenny and Joe Coyd worked well on the right side and it was Coyd who hit a delightful ball to an unmarked Mather who ran the ball in to score another try for England.

McLeod finished off the scoring for the first half as a Wales missed another tackle and it was McLeod who took full advantage and he got the ball on the left and easily rushed the ball over the try line to score his second try of the match.

Half Time: England 52 Wales 0 

Wales started the second half with the ball as they looked to get on the board, but despite working the ball well, they lost the ball on a turnover in their first possession of the half.

Declan Roberts then got the first score of the second half for England as Mark Williams missed his tackle and this let in Roberts  to get the ball and he simply ran the ball from the middle of the pitch to score an easy try for England.

Roberts was then involved in the action again as he hold a great pass from Mike Knight and he zipped past Jones and Williams to score under the posts  and grab his second try in quick succession for England.

Robert McLeod was next England player to score a try as he worked well on the right side of the pitch and easily held off his defender before scoring a try deep in the corner on the left side.

Wales didn't give up and after some good work pushing they got a richly deserved try as Jones passed the ball out to Mark Williams and he did enough to ahead of Mather and score Wales's fist try of the match.

Jodie Boyd-Ward then added more points to England's total as she got the ball on the right side from a great pass from Roberts, and she took a dive past the try line in at the corner to put England past the seventy point barrier.

Robert McLeod then continued the English dominance as he worked hard down the right and he got away from his defender before going over the try line on the left side to score England fifteenth try of the match.

Ian Kenny scored his first try of the match with over four minutes left to go as he did well to get away from Williams and he squeezed between James Roberts and Harry Jones a try to help England break the eighty point barrier.

Final Score: England 80 Wales 6

Line-ups:

England:

Ian Kenny, Joe Coyd, James Simpson, Mike Knight, Martin Lane, Jodie Boyd-Ward, Declan Roberts, Robert McLeod, Paul Mather, Adam Barnett.

Wales:

Phil Bousfield, Adam Button, Huw Chance, Andrew Rhys Higgins, Harry Jones, James Roberts, Mark Williams.

Referee: Rhett Johnson and Matt Ball

In-goal Referee: Kieron Johnson and Richard Johnson

Wheelchair RL 4 Nations: Scotland v Ireland

Scots thrashed by Ireland

Scotland 10 Ireland 60

The 2014 Wheelchair Rugby League Four Nations event continued at Medway Park, Gillingham with Ireland claiming their second win of the tournament as they fought off Scotland in a dominant performance.

The game started with Ireland getting the ball and immediately George Hills was involved in the thick of the action and a forward pass put paid to his first possession as Scotland got the ball back.

And it was Scotland who got the ball and scored the first try of the match as a fifth tackle kick from Graeme Stewart hit a delightful kick forward and it was spectacularly grabbed by Jack Waring and he easily held off George hill to score his first try of the match.

But Ireland immediately got back into the match as George Hill drove the ball from the middle of the pitch and he held off two Scottish defenders before going into the corner and scoring his first try of the match.

George Hill nearly broke though again as a fifth tackle kick from Rachel Irwin was chased hard by Hill and two Scottish defenders but all three players couldn't ground the ball and it went out dead for a goal line drop out.

And it was Hill who then turned from scorer to being provider as Ireland turned the ball over and he move the ball forward before hitting a wonderful pass to Rachel Irwin who out chased three Scottish defenders before scoring a try in a corner. The kick also Hill was also converted and it gave Ireland a slim four point lead.

Hill then used blistering pace to power though the Scottish defence to as he got the ball from the middle of the pitch to score another try for Ireland. The try also meant that it extended the gap to Scotland to ten points.  

Hill then completed his Hat trick as Scotland went into the touch, Stu Walker placed the ball down on the left, and Hill dived though two Scottish defenders to place the ball down past the try line to put Ireland though the twenty point barrier.

Half Time: Scotland 6 Ireland 20

The second half with Scotland getting the ball and looking to get back into this game, but it was 

Ireland who extended their lead as Ireland got the ball deep in the Scotland half, Hill passed the ball to McCabe who then passed the ball into the corner to Rachael Irwin who dived deep into the corner to score her second try of the match.

Hill then added his fourth try of the match as he drove the ball though a paced Scottish defence but he did well to make his way through them and score another try for Ireland.

Hill then added two more tries as Ireland got through the forty point barrier, the sixth try was a worked well move made by Stu Walker and Hill got the of Walker's kick and he grounded the ball whilst being surrounded by two Scottish defenders.

Hill then added a seventh try before Scotland got into double figures as Gemme Lumsdaine hit a beautiful pass deep from the right, it came the way Stewart before hitting a low pass Ian McKeen who then held off Hill and going over the line to scores his first try of the match.

Stu Walker then added more punishment for Scotland as he got hold a good pass from Hill and he held off his defender to score his first try of the match.,

Hill worked though the Scottish defence and zipped though the middle of the pitch before hitting a beautiful pass to Josh McEvoy to score his first competitive try for Ireland.

Hill completing the scoring by scoring his eighth try of the match by getting the ball in the middle of the pitch and he ran through some static Scottish defending before scoring a try and conversion which got Scotland though the sixty point barrier.

Final Score: Scotland 10 Ireland 60

Line ups:

Scotland:

Graeme Stewart, Stephen Carling, Michael Mellon, Sean Frame, John Cairns, Gavin Dobson, Ian McKeen, Gemme Lumsdaine, Chris Calderwood, Jack Waring,

Ireland:

Josh McEvoy, Chris Sealek, George Hill, Tony Martin, Andy Atkinson, Rachel Irwin, Damian McCabe, Stu Walker.

Referee: Rhett Johnson and Richard Johnson

In-goal Referee: Kieron Johnson and Matt Ball

Wheelchair RL 4 Nations: England v Ireland

England beat off the Irish

England 54 Ireland 2

The 2014 Wheelchair Rugby League Four Nations event continued at Medway Park, Gillingham with England comfortably beating a hard working Ireland side.

Both sides won on their opening fixtures and they were both looking for a further win to get closer to winning this tournament.  

The game started with England in charge and it took just over four minutes for England to score as Martin Lane got a pass from Declan Roberts and he surged forward past Rachel Irwin and Tony Martin to score under the posts for his first try of the match.

And he was in the thick of the action as he got the ball from Joe Coyd and he surged again past the Irish defence for his second try of the match as England take an early twelve point lead.

England then added a third try in just under ten minutes as they pushed forward and it was it was a good move from Martin Lane and James Simpson who then got the ball out to Paul Maher and held off Damian McCabe as he dived for the line to score his first try of the match.

England then added a fourth try as new comer to the team Adam Barnett passed the ball to Declan Roberts zipped past Rachel Irwin and he raced way in to the corner to score his first try of the match.

Ireland did have a great to score their first try of the match as George Hill broke though on goal but he was excellently chased down by Declan Roberts who saved a certain try for Ireland.

Half time: England 22 Ireland 0

England started the second half with the ball as they looked to close out the game as they started in the right way as Mike Knight got the ball from Ian Kenny and he held off Damian McCabe and Rachel Irwin as he though the Irish defence to score England's first try of the second half.

Ireland was then awarded a penalty as England was caught offside, George Hill took the kick just to the right side of the posts and Hill easily converted the two points to put Ireland on the scoreboard.

Ian Kenny then restored England dominance of this game as he capped off a good move as he got the ball from first from James Simpson and then Mike Knight and he did just about enough to hold off the Irish defence to score under the posts for his first try of the match.

Jodie Boyd-Ward also got her first try of the match for England as James Simpson drove forward and passed the ball to Mike Knight who then passed to Boyd-Ward wide on the right and she did enough to dive into the corner and scored another try for England.

England then got though the forty point barrier as Mike Knight then added his second try of the night as England moved the ball forward and the ball ended with some nice passing play between Boyd-Ward and Lane and Knight was there at the end of the play to surge past his defender and score another England try.

Robert McLeod then grabbed his first try of the match again England worked the line really well and made some great passing between Roberts, Boyd-Wad and Simpson, McLeod was at there at the end to get the ball from Simpson to score another England try.

Adam Barnett then bagged his first ever try for England as he got the ball in the middle of the pitch and he used his upper body strength to run the ball though the Irish defence to score under the posts and score another try for England.

Final score: England 54 Ireland 2                        

England are back in action tomorrow afternoon as they entertain Wales knowing that a win could secure them the trophy if not, then a win for Ireland against Scotland could secure them the trophy.

Line-ups:            

England:

Ian Kenny, Joe Coyd, James Simpson, Mike Knight, Martin Lane, Jodie Boyd-Ward, Declan Roberts, Robert McLeod, Paul Mather, Adam Barnett.

Ireland:

Josh McEvoy, Chris Sealek, George Hill, Tony Martin, Andy Atkinson, Rachel Irwin, Damian McCabe, Stu Walker. 

Wheelchair RL 4 Nations: Wales v Scotland

Wales edged out but the Scots

Wales 14 Scotland 34

The 2014 Wheelchair Rugby League Four Nations event continued at Medway Park, Gillingham with Scotland coming out on top against Wales.

Both sides lost on their opening fixtures and they were both looking for a win to get them off and running in this tournament. Wales were relieved that Harry Jones had recovered from his dislocated his thumb whilst playing against Ireland and was placed in their starting line-up.

The game started with Wales getting the ball but they couldn't create anything from their first possession and they gave the ball back to Scotland.

And Scotland took the early initiative as Sean Frame broke away from a good kick forward and he chased the ball down and he got ahead of the chasing Welsh defence to give Scotland the first try of the game. Graeme Stewart converted the kick gave and this gave Scotland an early six point lead.

Scotland then extended the gap totem points as Jack Waring got the ball from the middle of his own pitch and he raced away from three Welsh defenders to score his first try of match.

Wales pressured and did almost as Mark Williams almost crossed the try line but he was just tackled on the line, but from the restart, the ball ended up with James Roberts and he easily held off a Scottish defender before crossing over for Wales's first try of the match.

Scotland then extended their lead back to ten points as Frame then bagged his second try of the match as he got at the end of a good pass from Jack Waring and he rushed away from the Welsh defence.

Scotland then added a fourth try as Jack Waring scored his second try of the match as Wales were caught offside  and Frame played the ball to Waring who slipped past two Welsh defenders to score right by the posts . The try meant that Scotland reached the twenty point barrier.

Ian McKeen then get involved in the action as Scotland surged forward again, and McKeen got hold a great pass from Waring and he dived over the try line on the far right side of the pitch for Scotland.

And McKeen begged a second try of the game as Frame was again in the heart of the action, he narrowly missed out on scoring a try as he was tackled on the line but from the restart, Frame passed the ball to McKeen who just edged out Williams to score another try.

Wales were awarded a penalty right on the half time buzzer as Scotland were adjusted to be offside, 

Harry Jones took the kick from the middle of the pitch and he easily kicked the ball over the bar to add two more points for Wales.

Half Time: Wales 6 Scotland 30

Both sides had chances to score during the first tem minutes of the second half, but they couldn't crate any good scoring chances. James Roberts did make a good run forwards after getting the end of a good pass from James Roberts but the Scottish defence held out and turned the ball back.

But Harry Jones did manage to break away from the Scottish defence and he held off Michael Mellon to dive in at the corner to score Wales's second try of the match.

Scotland then extended their lead as they drove for the try line; it was Gavin Dobson who got the ball and he passed it to Ian McKeen then he hit a great pass to Michael Mellon who got away from his defender and scored his first try of the match.

Wales scored the final try of the game as they pushed forward and it was Harry Jones who worked hard on the left with Andrew Rhys Higgins and he hit a great pass to Jones who dived into the corner to score his second try of the game. 

Final Score: Wales 14 Scotland 34

Both sides are back in action on Sunday afternoon as Wales are up against England whilst Scotland are up against Ireland as they look to finish off their tournament on a high.

Line-ups:

Wales:

Phil Bousfield, Adam Button, Huw Chance, Andrew Rhys Higgins, Harry Jones, James Roberts, Mark Williams.

Scotland:

Graeme Stewart, Stephen Carling, Michael Mellon, Sean Frame, John Cairns, Gavin Dobson, Ian McKeen, Gemme Lumsdaine, Chris Calderwood, Jack Waring. 

Wheelchair RL 4 Nations: England v Scotland

England dominate the Scots

England 104 Scotland 14

The 2014 Wheelchair Rugby League Four Nations event continued at Medway Park, Gillingham with England breezing past Scotland in their first match of the tournament.

The game started with England having to defending early on but a poor pass let England back in as Scotland nearly scored the first try of the match.

England manage to break the deadlock  on five minutes as the captain Martin Lane as he got a great pass from Mike Knight and he got in-between two Scottish defenders and made a great dive for the line to score the first try of the match.

Joe Coyd then added a second try after nine minutes as get got the ball from Martin Lane and he broke away from two Scottish defenders to score his first try of the match.

Martin Lane then turned from provider to scorer as he his second try of the match, as he got the ball and broke away from middle of the pitch and ran with the ball past two Scottish defenders to score a try.

Joe Coyd then capped of a great passing play from England as both Mike Knight and Martin Lane were involved as England continued their dominance this first half. Coyd got the ball from a great pass from Lane and held off two Scottish defenders before scoring his second try of the match. #

Mike Knight then got involved in the action as he capped off a good move from England as he got the ball from Joe Coyd and dived for the line as he scored his first try of the match and England's fifth try of the match so far.

Joe Coyd then completed his Hat trick as he capped off a great run and pass move for England as they broke past the thirty point barrier in this match.

James Simpson then got England got past the forty point barrier as he capped off a good move from as Joe Coyd gave the ball to Simpson who held off his defender and dived past the try line under the posts to score his first try of the match.

England captain Martin Lane then finished off the scoring of the first half as he got the ball on the half way line as easily past three Scottish defenders before scoring his hat trick try of the match.

Half Time: England 46 Scotland 0

Scotland started the second half with the ball as they tried to get on to the scoreboard but it was Robert McLeod who scored the first try of the second half after he got the ball and scored a try after getting the ball from a great passing interchange from Joe Coyd and Chris Simpson.

McLeod then quickly added a second try of the match as he got the ball from a great pass from Joe Coyd and he ran away with the ball and he out sprinted the Scottish defence to score under posts for another try for England.

Martin Lane then scored the try of the match as he got the ball in his own half and out muscled three Scottish defenders before running the ball towards goal and scoring his fourth try of the match.  

Scotland then managed to get on the scoreboard as they drove hard for the line and it was Ian 

McKeen who held two English defenders before crossing the try line to score Scotland's first try of the match.

Joe Coyd then got his fourth try of the match as England drove forward and Jodie Boyd-ward past the ball to Coyd who easily held off his defender to score another try for England.

Scotland then doubled their score as Sean Frame dove for the line and scored a try after beating off two English defenders to score his first try of the match.

Despite England scoring another try though Joe Coyd, Scotland was awarded a penalty try as Stephen Carling was pushed as he was diving for the line by Paul Maher.

But England continued their dominance as Mike Knight got the mall from the middle of the pitch and was unchallenged as he scored another try for England. The kick from Coyd put England past the eighty point barrier.

Two further tries from Mike Knight and another try Martin Lane from Ian Kenny as England got past the one hundred point barrier for this match.

Final score: England 104 Scotland 14

England are back in action this evening as they entertain Ireland whilst Scotland are back in action this afternoon as they play against Wales in their second game of the tournament.

Catch the post match interviews with both coaches here:

https://soundcloud.com/mrjohnseager/wheelchair-rl-4-nations-england-mark-and-martin

https://soundcloud.com/mrjohnseager/wheelchair-rl-4-nations-sco-jamie-seery

Line-ups:

England:

Ian Kenny, Joe Coyd, James Simpson, Mike Knight, Martin Lane, Jodie Boyd-Ward, Declan Roberts, Robert McLeod, Paul Mather, Adam Barnett.

Scotland:

Graeme Stewart, Stephen Carling, Michael Mellon, Sean Frame, John Cairns, Gavin Dobson, Ian McKeen, Gemme Lumsdaine, Chris Calderwood, Jack Waring,