Evening all,
Following on from last weeks 'Mental Awareness Week' article, I have been continuing to get some help as part of my continuing effort to work as a journalist.
However, I have been informed that there's something seriously wrong with me (apart from the anxiety). I have been suggested to take some online tests about how I write and how I think.
I did these tests over the past week, and the results came back this morning. The tests say that I am Dyslexic.
When I read them, I felt relieved and upset at the same time. I feel relieved that I know that apart from Anxiety, I now know the reason why my writing has never been up to a high standard. Even though I'm developing my skills through the RFL, I know that my current style of writing won't get me places.
On the flip side, I feel upset now know that I have this disability along with my anxiety, I fear my chance of getting a job are getting smaller. I get the feeling that many editors who work at the BBC or at ITV will now know this and they'll think less of me as I'm not a good writer.
What I don't understand is that this is the same test I completed in 2009, and yet this time I've been diagnosed with Dyslexia. Maybe perhaps that my mental state has changed over time.
But looking back on this, I think that this discovery will help me and not hinder my chances. There are not many journalists out there who suffer from Anxiety and Dyslexia. So I see this as a new challenge. I am no quitter and there's no reason why I should be discriminated for applying for jobs that involve with work that I really enjoy doing, even with my condition.
So with that in mind, it's business as usual but on a different scale.
to be continued...
Monday 15 May 2017
Monday 8 May 2017
Writing with Anxiety: Mental Health Awareness week
Evening all.
Some of you may know this is the week of 'Mental Health Awareness Week'. With one in four people suffering from mental health problems in their life, I feel its right to showcase my story with Anxiety.
I have suffered on and off with Anxiety since 2007 - the time where I quit my Television Journalism course at Nottingham Trent University due to finances. Despite going back two years later and getting the qualification I wanted, there have been some really low times. I have starved myself over not getting any work and often I feel that no one wants me as a journalist.
Anxiety still affects my life every day, I do over analyse things and often have a thousand thoughts going through my head and this is in every situation I have during the day. The thoughts often inside my head are about working as a journalist. It's the only thought that makes me feel happy and wanted. Time has moved on for me but the thoughts are still there. Even though I am now working for a major sports organisation in the UK and getting my work featured on ITV and BBC regional news, I still feel that I belong somewhere else. I feel that I deserve to work as a journalist for a news organisation. Every time I get rejected this makes me feel upset and lost. I do keep ongoing to make sure I look for the next job. But whilst I am away from my journalism work, my head keeps saying to me. “YOU MUST GET ON TRACK, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE”
One thing I have learned that since being diagnosed with Anxiety, is that I may suffer alone. That's not true. I learned that talking to someone will help you feel better and also start the journey to get rid of the mindset you are in.
Over the past few years, I do have some good people to turn to, so that they help me and make sure I'm okay and heading in the right direction. I still keep in contact with my ex-tutor and ex-BBC journalist Barnie Choudhury. We are both currently working on a new journalism strategy, to help me make the next step and find a new job working as a journalist. My girlfriend Esther has been really supportive, understanding and quite calm every time I ask her “hope you're OK”. I also keep in touch with my counsellor from 2014. She is still there for me should I need her for any help. I also bump into former journalism colleagues who has been a part of my journey since 2007 and they tell me to keep going and not give up.
But it's not just talking to people I believe that will help. I do find it a lot easier though when you do look after yourself. And it is the simple things like exercise. Recently I've joined a Handball team near where I live in Kent, which has helped me to socialise with new people and enjoy the sport at the same time. I also do a lot of fresh air walking and also spending time at my local spa with Esther.
For me, it's the little things which will make the big changes for me in life. It did when I got signed up by the RFL in 2014. I haven't looked back since. And my recovery from anxiety is taking place one step at a time. And that's the best way to combat any mental disease is one step at a time. It may take time some to overcome it, but one day you will overcome it and you will be happy again. That's what I'm sticking to but I know it won't be easy.
To be continued........
Some of you may know this is the week of 'Mental Health Awareness Week'. With one in four people suffering from mental health problems in their life, I feel its right to showcase my story with Anxiety.
I have suffered on and off with Anxiety since 2007 - the time where I quit my Television Journalism course at Nottingham Trent University due to finances. Despite going back two years later and getting the qualification I wanted, there have been some really low times. I have starved myself over not getting any work and often I feel that no one wants me as a journalist.
Anxiety still affects my life every day, I do over analyse things and often have a thousand thoughts going through my head and this is in every situation I have during the day. The thoughts often inside my head are about working as a journalist. It's the only thought that makes me feel happy and wanted. Time has moved on for me but the thoughts are still there. Even though I am now working for a major sports organisation in the UK and getting my work featured on ITV and BBC regional news, I still feel that I belong somewhere else. I feel that I deserve to work as a journalist for a news organisation. Every time I get rejected this makes me feel upset and lost. I do keep ongoing to make sure I look for the next job. But whilst I am away from my journalism work, my head keeps saying to me. “YOU MUST GET ON TRACK, YOU DON'T BELONG HERE”
One thing I have learned that since being diagnosed with Anxiety, is that I may suffer alone. That's not true. I learned that talking to someone will help you feel better and also start the journey to get rid of the mindset you are in.
Over the past few years, I do have some good people to turn to, so that they help me and make sure I'm okay and heading in the right direction. I still keep in contact with my ex-tutor and ex-BBC journalist Barnie Choudhury. We are both currently working on a new journalism strategy, to help me make the next step and find a new job working as a journalist. My girlfriend Esther has been really supportive, understanding and quite calm every time I ask her “hope you're OK”. I also keep in touch with my counsellor from 2014. She is still there for me should I need her for any help. I also bump into former journalism colleagues who has been a part of my journey since 2007 and they tell me to keep going and not give up.
But it's not just talking to people I believe that will help. I do find it a lot easier though when you do look after yourself. And it is the simple things like exercise. Recently I've joined a Handball team near where I live in Kent, which has helped me to socialise with new people and enjoy the sport at the same time. I also do a lot of fresh air walking and also spending time at my local spa with Esther.
For me, it's the little things which will make the big changes for me in life. It did when I got signed up by the RFL in 2014. I haven't looked back since. And my recovery from anxiety is taking place one step at a time. And that's the best way to combat any mental disease is one step at a time. It may take time some to overcome it, but one day you will overcome it and you will be happy again. That's what I'm sticking to but I know it won't be easy.
To be continued........
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